America's only holiday that is non denominational. The day we give thanks for all the good in our lives and appreciate eachother. Also it is the most stressful holiday. It's not Thanksgiving without football, overeating, guilt, fighting, naps after dinner, unwanted guests, and the stress of an entire week of cooking including the 6am turkey preparation. Too many chefs in the kitchen. The lone mommy who has not slept in days getting ready for guests and taking care of her day to day life that has to make this day perfect. It's never like the Norman Rockwell painting. But all women strive for that image. I think it may be a fact that many mothers have a minor nervous breakdown after and, I know, they never eat that day. Too worried about everyone else. They deserve a medal of honor for all the battle scars they endure that day and leading up to it. They are the ones who put out the fires between relatives, dress and clean the children and their husbands, do everything to set the perfect table, running back and forth to the store, searching recipes for those people that can't eat this or that and then the turkey. The brass ring, the gold medal, the one thing that HAS TO BE PERFECT! They worry, check, cry, and then their husband is the one to pass the final judgement on the bird. Thank God he has the carving knife because if she had that knife things might get very ugly. Then the plates are past, Grace is spoken and the reviews come pouring in. It's like being an A list star with a new film or play opening up the next day's newspaper with the critics opinions.
" It's Ok dear, a little dry but who can blame you, you're tried" DAGGER IN THE HEART
" Mommy this is yucky why can't we have pizza?" GRAZED BULLET
"When I make turkey I usually brine it first. It makes it moister" DEAD SHOT TO ABDOMEN
"I'm a vegetarian, so I can't comment. I can't even look at that poor bird" MOM REACHES FOR CARVING KNIFE
" Have you ever tried roasting in a paper bag with oil? Maybe next year. I'll give you the recipe." BUTTER KNIFE HAS NOW BECOME WEAPON OF CHOICE BECAUSE IT WILL HURT MORE DIGGING OUT THAT PERSONS LIVER
"Mom this is awesome! Thank you so much. You worked so hard and everything is perfect" CLIMBING DOWN OFF CLOCK TOWER WITH UZI AND QUIETLY SLIDES IT UNDER CHAIR
"Ok I'm stuffed I'm going in the living room to relax"
DEAR GOD ALL OF YOU JUST GO AWAY AS YOU BURB AND FART YOUR WAY TO MY CLEAN LIVING ROOM TO DRINK BEER, WATCH FOOTBALL AND SLEEP AND YELL INTERMITTENTLY.
" When's desert?" WHEN I AM GOOD AND READY AFTER CLEANING UP THE MESS YOU LEFT, DOING 40 LBS. OF DISHES AND PACKING ALL THE FOOD I MADE THAT COULD FEED A SMALL COUNTRY. NOW IS ROUND TWO. MORE PLATES, PIES, CAKES, COFFEE FOR 30 LIKE I AM A STARBUCKS STORE.
" In a little bit Dear." UZI IS NOW NEXT TO COFFEE MACHINE
" Mommy I want pie! Why do I have to wait?"YELLING AND WINING
" Yes, Dear can we eat dessert now?"YELLING
" Excuse me I really need some coffee."INTRUDING
"Oh. sorry didn't mean to bump into you."RUDE
" I can make my own if I could just get a coffee cup."RUDE
" Is the any more forks? I took a pie out of the fridge the guys can't wait and the little ones want something to eat since they didn't like dinner." HOLY HELL
The poor mommy succumbs to the tirade and rushes to put the desserts on the table and all her careful plans of dessert plates and silverware go out the window. She just stacks plates on the table and barely is able to put napkins out as the flock of hungry overfed beasts swarm the table. In a whirlwind everything is gone and the table is a mess again. People keep invading the kitchen in a tornado of questions, complaints, requests for things she never thought they would need. SHE IS DONE! ENOUGH! Quietly she goes to the bathroom and locks the door. 'Let them take care of themselves' she says and sobs in exhaustion. Then
" I need to use the bathroom"
She emerges and walks out the back door for some peace. Then she hears from the house next door...
"The turkey is a little dry Dear, it's ok you must be tired and cooked it too long."
SHE IS NOT ALONE AND FINALLY SMILES FOR THE FIRST TIME. HER THANKSGIVING HAS JUST HAPPENED
By Catraven =^..^=
